I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
