i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
