My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
