i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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