I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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