i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize