Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
