I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
