Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
