I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
