***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
