I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't deserve a penis
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Randomize
