It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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