I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
