the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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