Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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