I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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