Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
