My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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