I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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