also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
