I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
