Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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