the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize