Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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