I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
