pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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