Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
