so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
