it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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