Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
