She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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