I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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