What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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