Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
