They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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