I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My feet surprised me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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