you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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