She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
