she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
