She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
