But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
