Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize