Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
