Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
