I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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