I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize