dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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