You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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