I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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