I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
