Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
