I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
