Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
