We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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