This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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