If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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