You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I puked a lego.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
