Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
