Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
