Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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