I love having hate sex.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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