I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
