Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
