She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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