Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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