It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
