i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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