would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
