You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
