Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
