the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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