He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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