do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
