I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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