Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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