look no pants
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
