hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Boobs are out for the taking
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
