So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
