Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
