u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
