So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
