I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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