When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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