I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
