the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
