I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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