TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he just fucked me for my cheese..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
