How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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