Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
