She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dicks are not precious.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
