Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
