I wish I only lived at night.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
