I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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