I miss vodka workout Fridays
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
