found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I fill condoms, not promises.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
