I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
