you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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