Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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