Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
