I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize