remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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