I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
